Last night Ramona spiked a fever on and off until morning. Michael woke congested, and aching. I left for an early meeting, hoping they could manage one hour without me. Church was not going to happen, so when I got home, the pajamas went back on and we made a fancier breakfast than usual. I forget how long the days seem when all of us are home with nothing to do, and no where to go. The naps and baths last longer, meal time is slower, the ingredients we bought for cookies weeks ago finally get made, and by 4:00 all hopes of keeping the T.V. off fly out the window. For me, I enjoy church every week. I have grown to love the people I worship with each Sunday, and the break in the day/week it gives me to go and think about something bigger and greater than myself. I need it, and on days like today, I missed it.
Having a toddler, and teaching as a profession makes us magnets for germs. Which means more time at home surviving, and trying not to get depressed about the clutter and messes. I keep telling myself I will get to it tomorrow, but something always comes up. It shakes all the routines we have tried hard to establish as a family, and the feeling of defeat begins to weigh us down. Something I am working on, is trying to look inward vs. outward, and not blame my circumstances but change my attitude towards them. Always easier said than done, but today was a good test. Even though the day didn't hold to my expectations, I was able to feel gratitude for my family and the quiet moments we don't get in the everyday hustle and bustle.
Today I also reflected on a video I watched earlier last week. I will link it here. I think it is worth every minute. I have been off social media ever since and it has been a much needed shift in all of our lives. I have been more engaged and patient with my family, and it shows. Ramona has been less grouchy, which is surprising because I thought we had just hit the terrible twos early. Now I think it was her way of showing me she needed a fully present mother. Throughout the day I have withdrawals during moments of stress, loneliness, boredom, or just wanting some love and attention. I finally have the courage to admit that I am addicted to it, which gives me greater motive to stay away and just live my life. It has also forced me to start thinking of ways to fulfill my needs in a healthier way. Some can find balance, but I haven't been able to. I will keep writing here about life's happenings, but a more permanent break from the scrolling feels like the right thing for me.
Happy Sunday friends!
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