GOALS

            Today is the day, I have decided to start documenting my life again. It's not a special day, in fact, it is merely ordinary. Isn't it always? An ordinary day when we commit to do extraordinary things. Burning with new hope and desire, only to fall through within a few days, and generally in my case, hours. I haven't had any near death experiences to spark my lack of writing lately, but I am genuinely hoping this time will be different. I have learned to always hope for the best, but gear up for the worst (which in this case isn't terribly consequential) Wise words I heard over and over from my mother while growing up. 

            Lately I have been meaning to make the big gesture. I checked out multiple books from the library on improving writing skills. I kept getting that nagging feeling that I needed to sit down and just write. As I was rocking Ramona to sleep for the third time today, I finally cracked open one of the books. First things first, you need to actually write, to improve your writing. It sounded so easy on paper. I found myself in front of the computer, trying to decide what I'd want to read about here in 5 or 10 years. At a loss, I decided to keep reading. Around the end of chapter one, I heard a school bus drive past our little home. The thought that school was already getting out, and I had done barely anything at all today, made me worry that I might not have very much material to keep this journal alive. 

            My days are generally monotonous. I wake up embarrassingly late, play with Ramona (she is happiest in the mornings), feed her, and finally when she begins to fuss, I know she is ready for a nap. I attempt to eat breakfast before the catnap ends, and repeat the process throughout the rest of the day. Today however, I got word from Michael that he was having a rough day. I should have known, considering how things went this morning. Already off to a late start, he couldn't find his keys which I last had. In a panic checking nearly everywhere I had been the night before, I told him to just take the car I normally drive. It has Ramona's car seat in it, and in that moment I knew I had given up any hopes of leaving the house today. I felt okay about my decision considering the current state of the house. It would probably be a good thing if I tried to stay home and tidy things up. It wasn't exactly visitor friendly. 

            I recently purchased a planner to try to organize my life a little better. And if you know me, you know I am terrible planner, and an even more terrible "stick to the plan," kind of gal. After a few days of planning, (with hardly any follow through) I was hopeful today might be different now. I might be able to check off 'clean the house' on my to do list. Which is much easier said than done once you throw a two month old into the mix. By the time Ramona's second nap rolled around, I had set my mind to cleaning the kitchen. Feeling a bit ambitious, I decided to try that clean the oven button. Which unknowingly at the time confined me to the only two rooms in our home with windows and fans. The house rather quickly began to smell like burnt toast and chemicals. 

            My mind started racing, like it does. "Is this safe for a baby? Do we need to leave the house while we clean the oven? This really can't be safe for either one of us... I am 99% sure this causes cancer." In an effort to not panic more, I refrained from googling and locked us in my bedroom with the fan going and the window open, because leaving was not an option. One movie later with about half the laundry in a pile, and the other half poorly folded, Ramona was ready for her third nap. So we braved the fowl smell and ran across the hall to the nursery (which also has a window and fan). And here we are now. Trying to document a day in the life. Trying to start something new, that may be pushed to the side by tomorrow. Unfortunately adding it to my planner probably won't help much, but alas, I will try to heed my mother's advice, and hope for the best.